this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Randomize
