Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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