I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
