He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
