What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
