Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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