peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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