You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I love black thongs
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
