I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
