WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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