before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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