How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
