So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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