so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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