My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
