Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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