Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
