I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Are my feet made of real feet?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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