the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
