I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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