my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
You don't make any sense
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