Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
