Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
