Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
