then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
no, he came in my armpit
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
