I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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