dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
