I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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