awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
