she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
