I can tuck mytits in my pants
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
