dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
