New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
