we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
