If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
