bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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