I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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