I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
