peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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