My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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