my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
