he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
