after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Randomize
