I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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