wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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