Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
