hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
