Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
