In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
