I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
