Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
