2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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