I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
