If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i love accidental penises.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
