I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
