I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
