The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
