Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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